Later this week we will travel to Idaho to visit our son’s grave. Last week the headstone was placed and we will be able to see it and have a little ceremony with our family. I know both my wife and I are greatly looking forward to the visit with our son.

Not in the exciting way, but more the way that a parent longs for his kids to hit the baseball in little league. This might not have hit the nail on the head. It is more like the longing for your child which you have not seen in a very long time. We miss him and we need to see him.

My parents recently had a Red OAK planted as a memorial to my son as well. I am told this this is a beautiful tree. The Red Oak is a tree that everyone can recall the beautiful deep scarlet leaves in the fall. The tree will grow well in the area it is located and will provide great shade for our family home in Eagle, Idaho.

It will be a constant reminder of our beautiful son who had very numbered days with us, but we long for the days we get to spend together with him in paradise.

UPDATE

Actually it is a Red Oak, I made the change above.

This week we saw our good friends from Claresholm, Alberta head back home. They spent 10 days with us. Having great friends makes life so much better. We really enjoyed every minute we were able to spend with them. We hate to see them go and we wonder if it will be another 3 years before we see them again.

As soon as they hit the road we found ourselves in sprint mode to get things wrapped up with our home, at work, and everything else that goes along with cleaning up after company and getting ready to hit the road ourselves.

You see, it is that time of year again! Soon it will be that 1 week that gives the reason to work the previous 51 weeks. Our annual Rinard Family Vacation to McCall, Idaho! This is like truly the happiest place on earth. I know, I know. Disneyland uses that slogan and how can you be happier than a kid on Main Street look at the Castle at Disneyland.

Well fact is, you can. You have never seen so many people so excited like little kids at Disneyland, except 1 time a year. This is that time! This year I hear we have somewhere in the neighborhood of 28 people going to McCall for our trip!

HEAVEN! Truly, I kid you not.

I flew to Calgary, Alberta Friday afternoon and went to the ordination service of my friend Eddie. The service was very good as one would expect from an ordination service.

For me it was very good to see many friends from the past and to get reacquainted with so many people. I was only in Calgary less than a day but saw so many good friends.

Calgary as usual in June is beautiful! Everything was very green and the air was crisp and clean. My hotel room faced the Calgary Olympic Park, ski jumps and ski hill. Very nice!

Wish I had more than just a dozen waking hours to spend with my friends, but it was great to get at least that much time.

Losing a baby is tough. I know, that isn’t groundbreaking. What makes it tougher is the roller coaster of emotions.

You don’t only have to worry about yourself a bit, but you have to be focused on those around you. Everyone experiences this tome after the death of a baby different.

It is very hard to handle this and at times even though I am trying, I am not as good as I want to be at recognizing and helping others go through the healing process.

I know that fortunately we have God who is there to comfort, and this is a promise we must lean on, not only for our self, but those around us who are suffering as well.

Today at our church we played a video that is the song I have heard a million times, “I Can Only Imagine” by Mercy Me. The video for this is powerful and has an even greater meaning to me now.

Now more then ever, I can only imagine what I will be like and what I will do!!

It has been a difficult 6 weeks or so. Definitely not something anyone could plan for and for sure not something you would wish on anyone else. Losing a baby is not something I could fathom before now, and hope to never feel again.

Day by day my emotions change. In fact you never know from minute to minute what I may be feeling. Sorry for Marsha, but she is stuck with me and my ways.

We are choosing to move ahead, and remember the good times. We don’t ever want to forget our little son, John Carter Rinard. He was so beautiful and so desired. I doubt a person could ever be wanted more than my son.

I long for the day to hold him, and I long for the days of dreaming about what he will be when he grows up. I miss the planning that I did, where Phil and I would take little Johnny camping and teach him how to fish.

You see, we had plans, we had dreams. What I am living was never part of those dreams.

I am definitely living a life I never wanted to dream.